Cigarettes, chocolate, cocaine? No....

I'm addicted to Hoseasons.

I'd always associated holidays more closely with St Lucia than St Albans so, when I had kids, it came as a bit of a shock to find myself booking a UK cottage holiday.

Seven years on, my relationship with the great British cottage holiday is similar to that of an addict to her drug of choice. I am slightly embarrassed by it. I hide it from my husband. I rarely speak of it. But I spend most of my spare time thinking about it, searching it out and buying it. And I regularly overstretch myself to afford it (especially when I treat myself to a National Trust property - the purest high and oh so worth it).

But, sadly, getting the fix I crave is rarely easy.

Take this week. I need to book a weekend close enough to Legoland to satisfy a bribe being cashed in by Kid#1, but near Guildford. Simples. I shall find my perfect cottage in Surrey. Er, no I won't.

One problem is, regardless of which website you think you are on, soon enough you'll realise it's another Hoseasons white label. So, as you fly around the internet typing in 'family cottages', 'unusual properties', 'holiday lets', you still end up looking at the same places.

My search is not helped by my poor geography. I may be able to pinpoint all the states of America, but ask me how Stratford-upon-Avon relates to Bristol and I'm stumped. And so the fun continues as I seek out a pretty three bed, with availability, and a saintly owner who will do me the huge favour of letting us stay less than seven nights. How generous.

Four hours later, I have travelled a virtual world from Godalming to Dunstable, and journeyed past somewhere called Biggleswade. I have stared at dots on Google maps til my eyes bleed. I have considered squeezing us all into a one bedroom flat. I have thought of inviting local millionaires to come with us so we can afford a barn conversion. I have cursed my addiction, thrown the iPad at the cat, and in one moment of extreme desperation, even Googled 'Landmark Trust'. Don't be ridiculous, those places DON'T HAVE TELLIES.